Snow Daze

After talking about this for a couple of months, we finally took the kids up to the ski resort at Mount Baldy (only about a half-hour drive away) this afternoon for some snow play.

As with everything that is new to him, J started out nervous. He took one look at the ski lift and declared that he wasn't going on it. But since it was the ONLY way up to the resort, he was left with no choice in the matter.

This is not a happy face. But to his credit, he settled down after a few minutes and began to enjoy the ride.

I, on the other hand, remained slightly nervous. First of all, this was my first time on the ski lift, and there is sort of a technique to hopping on and off. All this while, the ski lift never stops moving. Second of all, I had to do manage this while carrying E. Thirdly, there is only the skimpiest safety bar, and E can be a wriggly baby at times. Nevertheless, we survived, and I managed to hop off, E in my hands, with the help of the guys running the lift. Hopefully, without looking too ungraceful.

She only looks like she's grimacing. She loved the snow.

So once we got to the ski resort, we brought the kids to the tubing area. Basically, you get to slide down a slope, sitting in a rubber tube (which looks like a bigger version of those round swimming floats). You slide down to the bottom and then you get to pull your tube as you hike back up to the top. Of course, when I say you, I really mean K.


Once again, J took a while to warm to this, but he really got into it, and was soon shrieking, screaming and laughing his way down. E took no time at all, she loved it from the get go; and it got to the point where I had to physically restrain her while we waited for K to pull the tube (sometimes with J in it) back up. She was so eager! At one point, K turned away to speak to J and in that few seconds, she managed to clamber into the tube herself. I was so worried though - I kept having visions of her slipping and rolling down the slopes like a ball. There'd be no way for me to chase her down short of sliding down the snow myself.

Anyway, she loved loved loved it. And thank God, we all emerged unscathed at the end of the day.

Oh, J eventually got up the nerve to try going down on a tube by himself (they had these kiddie-sized ones) and naturally, E decided that she wanted to too. There was no way I was going to let her. Again, I had visions - this time of her flying through the air. She got SO angry, she was crying and screaming. And since she couldn't have her way, she decided that she didn't want to go tubing anymore, despite K's repeated entreaties. If not her way, then no way at all.

Sigh. Does anyone else see a strong will?

***
Postscript: When J was saying his good-night prayers tonight, he said, "Thank you, God, for not making the mountain so steep."

Grin.

On losing and finding

I can almost predict, with an almost viral precision, when I will lose my voice. Every year, I encounter this situation at least once, sometimes during predictable periods of anxiety and stress (such as Christmas 2006, when I was slated to speak at our Christmas youth service) or, two weeks ago, when everyone else at home was sick.

I like to talk. I believe I am a fairly competent conversationalist. I have strong views, and I enjoy articulating them to the unconvinced. And so, I am a poor listener. I get impatient when people ramble. I get weary of trying to figure out what they're really trying to say, what they want to say but aren't saying. I interrupt, I cut in, I put words in their mouths, or I just don't listen.

And so, when I lose my voice, I lose one of the most potent and arresting pieces of my emotional and intellectual arsenal.

*

It is Lent now, the season of contemplation leading up to the days when we remember the death and resurrection of God. In 1930, T S Eliot published "Ash Wednesday", the first poem he wrote after his conversion to the Church of England. The fifth stanza of this poem contains these accusing lines:

"Where shall the word be found, where will the word
Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence
Not on the sea or on the islands, not
On the mainland, in the desert or the rain land,
For those walking in darkness
Both in the day time and in the night time
The right time and the right place are not here
No place of grace for those who avoid the face
No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny the voice."

In our accustomed, onward rush towards achievements, goals, objectives and targets ("noise", as Eliot puts it), we have no time for silence. "The right time and the right place are not here". We lose our ability to listen, to turn inwards in rest. "Not here, there is not enough silence" -- what an accurate indictment of our world. And so, without silence, without the cultivated discipline of listening, our hold on the things of value, of meaning, of transcendence, slips away. We deny the voice. Why need ears at all?

*

We spent the weekend I lost my voice at Carlsbad, a nice seaside resort town about a 90 minute drive from here. On Monday, we drove to Sea World and spent several happy hours there. This was our fourth visit, so we were quite sure we would not watch the dolphin show. But on our way to lunch, we turned a corner and came across something we hadn't seen before. In a fairly large lagoon just off the main lagoon where the dolphin show takes place, a group of about 12 children were in the midst of Sea World's "Dolphin Interaction Program". They were dressed up in wet suits, in the pool with Sea World's dolphin trainers and several dolphins, and were playing with the dolphins. The dolphins did tricks, jumped out of the water several times, and swam along the delighted children. 10 feet away, we watched, transfixed. For me, the dolphins weren't the show. The children's laughter, joy and surprise with the opportunity to interact so closely with the dolphins drew my attention more. Listening to them, I felt infected with their joy, their delight.

Later that day, E fell asleep. But J, as usual, wanted to see the beluga whales, the penguins and the polar bears in Sea World's excellent penguin encounter and Wild Arctic experience. F took him to see the animals, while I sat outside to watch E in her stroller. In one of my classes, we've been learning a series of meditation exercises designed to strengthen attention and mindfulness, so I decided to use the opportunity to practice one of these exercises. As I deliberately quietened my mind, I had to wrestle my attention away from thoughts such as where we would go for dinner that night, whether I would need coffee for the drive back, the reading I had to do for class that week and so on. As I listened to myself, to the inner cacophony, the voices began to die down. And in those moments, I could hear the breeze rustling through my hair. I could hear Emma's gentle snoring. I could hear children more than 200 feet away asking their parents to buy a toy from a shop. I could hear my heartbeat, my breath. I could hear silence.

And in that silence, the Voice that we truly need to hear speaks to us. For only then do we avoid confusing the Voice with the chattering, brazen and venal voices in our heads, the voices that so often are the only ones we pay any attention to.

*

An act of rapt, meditative listening lies at the redemptive heart of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, which I just finished reading. In The Amber Spyglass, Lyra, the tenacious 12-year-old protagonist, listens to an older woman relate the experience of falling in love (note -- there are no spoilers here):

"As Mary said that, Lyra felt something strange happen to her body. She felt as if she had been handed the key to a great house she hadn't known was there, a house that was somehow inside her, and as she turned the key, she felt other doors opening deep in the darkness, and lights coming on."

I had many points of aesthetic and theological frustration with Pullman. But on this key point I would agree: those who have come to positions of authority do a terrible job of listening. And when any authority stops listening, Hell literally breaks loose. Wisdom dies. Insight fails. We must never stop listening, never stop seeking new stories, new paths, new views of the world. We may get tired of the dolphin show, but the dolphins will still surprise us, if we know where to look.

*

And those moments, those piercing moments of insight, come fleetingly. Blink an eye, take a breath, and we lose those moments, like water slipping through our fingers. Our fingers are wet, but our thirst remains unslaked.

Today, one of those moments visited me.

I was at the end of a long run at the gym. Those who know how I run will know that my mind switches off as I run -- a practice I've cultivated over 20 years of running to get my mind off the complaints of my body. I had my iPod plugged in, as usual, and had been listening to MercyMe's wonderful song, "Bring the Rain".

I can count a million times
People asking me how I can praise You
with all that I’ve gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you oh Lord
My only shelter from the storms
But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray, Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
the dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

As the song came to its end ("Holy, Holy, Holy / Is the Lord God Almighty") and I started cooling down, an image floated into my mind: the people of my frail little church, singing those final lines in worship, in hope, in grace. And as they sang, the people of Heaven joined them. Sweaty, panting, my legs burning, I began to cry, my tears mingling with my sweat to run down my face. My heart felt close to bursting but I knew it was not from the running.

God visits us in our most naked moments, when we expect Him least. But what does it matter? We have nothing to offer him anyway, except our nakedness. And when He comes, when we get those fleeting glimpses of His will on earth as it is in Heaven, we'd better be listening with every atom of our being.

Getting Into Scrapes

He looks like he's having fun here, but he's actually calling out, "Help! Help me, Mom! Help!"
For the record, he's the one who wanted to climb the tree.

Yes, that is a bruise on his cheek.
He was fooling around, doing some funny march when he walked into a wall.

He wasn't laughing at the end of it, but K and I were in stitches.

Snapshot #2

Today's lesson for me: Never. Leave. Home. Without. My. Camera.

I walked out of bible study this morning, to see E racing with the other boys in the toddler class on the front lawn at church. How to put into words how cute this looked? She looked a little lost, like she didn't really get what the point of all this running around was, but she gamely joined in anyway, trailing after them on her two short little legs.

Sidenote: D, who takes care of E's class, told me today, "She's the bravest little girl." To which I reply, "That's because she thinks she's just like J!"

J joined in after I picked him up from his class. And started racing with the other boys from his class too. Just to see his face all lit up with unadulterated joy, laughing and tumbling around with the other kids - that was my moment of parental bliss today.

E was running around with another little girl, a few months younger than her. When those two hugged each other, cheek to cheek, that was precious. The other little girl tired of hugging after a while though. Her advances rejected, E burst into tears! She sulked all the way home and complained to her daddy the moment we stepped into the house: K___. Uh (shakes her head here). Hug. Me.

Today's Panic Moment

When J decided to paint his face with his watercolours. And when I wasn't sure if washing with soap and water would get all the paint off. And so I was faced with the prospect of a little green Incredible Hulk look-alike for my son.

Ok, time to get some proper face-paint.

Snapshot #1

There are some things that I wish I could take a snapshot of. Only, a camera cannot capture everything.

It is late. K and I have just come out of the kids' bedroom after their bedtime stories, good-night prayers, and I-love-you kisses.

This is the ritual: I walk out the door, calling out, "Good night! Mommy loves you! See you tomorrow." And they respond in kind. But then just before I close the door, J asks me to come in to check on him. Not to be outdone, E echoes the request, "Mama. Check. MEEEE!". And so I promise to return in a few minutes.

I close the door. And there is silence. But only for a few seconds. Soon, I hear their voices. Sometimes, I hear E clearly, singing her own little song. J shushes her. There is amusement in his "shhh", or exasperation if she's been singing for too long. Other times the murmurings are indistinct. I don't know what they are saying, just that they are talking to each other.

I think of doing the 'mom' thing. Should I poke my head in to shush them - they have school the next morning? But I am loathe to interrupt them. This is how they bond.

So I let them be for a while. There'll be times for shushing later on.

Poet In The Making

J is rhyming.

When we say, "Five, four, three, two, one..."
He says, "Everybody have some fun!"

Then we say, "Five, six, seven, eight..."
He says, "Everybody on a plate!"

Hah!

On The Seventh Day

This really is one of my favourite verses.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Mighty To Save - Hillsongs Australia
Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

Affirmative Action

When asked a question, J has taken to replying in the affirmative in one of three ways:

No problem-oh!
Yessiree!
You betcha!

The first is his favourite.

Joshua Is In The Bible

K and I have talked about how sure we are that E is going to one day ask us why there is no book of Emma in the bible. (She is not one who will be left out of anything. She fights fiercely to be included, and even when she's not sure what's going on, she jumps right in anyway.) So since there's the book of Joshua in the bible, surely there must be the book of Emma.

That day has come.

J wanted to hear about Joshua from his bible at bedtime this evening. And E was watching and listening. So when I flipped the book open to start on the story, she pointed to the picture on the page preceding it, and said (loudly), "Me!"

When I tried to point out that she was actually pointing to Moses, she indignantly insisted, "MEEEEE!"

So yes, my daughter now thinks that Moses is about her, and perhaps more importantly, that she actually precedes Joshua in the bible.

***

It's been ages since they've been in a pool! But our hotel in Carlsbad (where we were over the weekend) had a heated pool and sunny weather. So it was perfect. E the water baby threw a fit when it was time to come out. (Actually she throws a fit everyday when I tell her it's time to come out of the bath. She's going to miss the bathtub so much when we get back to Singapore.)

First game of Jenga!
(The kids were more excited about having the blocks collapse, so that became the point of the game.)

LA Arboretum

We had perfect weather to visit the LA Arboretum today. Really lovely.

She Sings

Oh yes, she does! My little two-year-old has a favourite song. One that she sings all the time, by herself, without anyone else prompting her. How cute it is to see her playing or lying in bed and singing at the same time. This is what she sings, with my translation for some clarity.

Jee-che... meee... nee ner nooo...
Jesus loves me, this I know

...bye-ber... soh...
For the Bible tells me so...

She has discovered the hat as a fashion accessory. She wore it to school one day, deigned to take it off while in school, then insisted on wearing it back home. And when we went out after dinner to pick up some groceries, she wanted it on again. Never mind that it was dark out.

Be My Valentine

The room at bible study this morning was all done up for Valentine's Day - pretty pink table cloths, candles, a tea-cup of pink, red and white M&Ms, delicious homemade sugar cookies and a pretty centerpiece of flowers at each table. My name got picked to bring home the centerpiece today so here it is, arranged by one of the ladies. Lovely. (E was very taken with the pink glittery heart stuck in the middle.)


J has apparently been working on his gift for weeks! They took the photo one week, then made the photo-frame another week and then assembled it altogether. So he had a gift for me today! As well as a card that K got for him to give me! Which he signed himself! Precious. J has really gotten into the spirit of Valentine's Day, so I've been showered with lots of kisses and I-love-you-s. Not that I'm complaining!

Strongman

On a visit to the Science Center, we managed to lift a Toyota Tundra!

This Is How We Play

I found mention of this book, Unplugged Play, on a website that I was reading, and immediately got a copy. The kids watch too much TV as it is, and I really like the idea of them having play that requires no batteries or plugs. Just good fun that gets them dirty, if necessary!

K made them a little cubby, with a blanket and an extra curtain draped over our dining table. It was supposed to be like a secret hiding spot for them, but they basically turned it into a stage, with their dinosaurs as puppets. This was J's made-up story:

Once upon a time, there was a Mommy dinosaur and Baby dinosaurs. Then one day, the Mommy dinosaur couldn't find her Baby dinosaurs. So she roared really loudly, and that woke them up.

We were pretty impressed that there was an actual plot!

***

This was basically a modified game of soccer. An empty carton served as the goal-post, and for lack of a better alternative, our Christmas ornaments were the balls. They could kick, roll or throw. J quite got into the whole scoring thing. E did too, in her own way. In spite of my instructions, she'd stand right up in front of the carton to fling the balls in. Then, she'd yell, "Ta-dah!"

***

Pizza play! This, I thought, would be lots of fun. Each kid would get a flour tortilla (we had these lying in the fridge, anyway) to act as the pizza base. I used a small tub of yoghurt that was probably a little past its prime, as the "sauce". Then they got to assemble the pizza themselves, using whatever snacks we had in our pantry. Cheerios, raisins, Teddy graham crackers, multi-coloured Goldfish and marshmallows.


This was interesting too in revealing their characters! J is, true to form, quite meticulous. None of that sprinkling nonsense. He put each ingredient on his pizza in its precise spot. And even though his favourite marshmallows were out, he was so focused on getting his pizza done properly, he didn't even remember to eat any of them. He does not like to get dirty, so he'd call for a tissue the moment he touched any of the yoghurt.

E, on the other hand, started snacking the moment she saw the Cheerios. Only after she popped a few into her mouth, did she remember about making the pizza. Quite the opposite from her Kor-kor, she is of the 'sprinkle' school of thought. After a while, she started pouring the ingredients straight from their plates on to her pizza. Why waste time picking them up?

So no prizes for guessing which pizza belonged to whom.

Bai-Nian

Xin Nian Kuai Le from California!

Must make pretty.

P.S. Check out his T-shirt - he so loved it, he was showing it off to everyone he met at bible study this morning!

Happy New Year!

Reunion Dinner, Improvised

The concept of a steamboat, executed on the stove-top.
(Not as good as the real thing, but it had to do.)

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

On A Prayer

The highlight of my day!

This afternoon, I told J that I couldn't play racing cars with him because I was having a headache. So he tried sayang-ing my head a couple of times, each time then asking me if I felt any better. A little bit, but the headache was still there.

Then completely without any prompting, he said, "I'll pray for you, Mom. Please, Lord, take away the hurt in Mommy's head. Amen."

I was just about in tears by then.

Growing Up

E's first day at school! (J has a picture similar to this on his first day of school too.)

E's classroom - the first table she went to had a bucket of blocks for her to sort.

How'd she do???

We stayed for a couple of minutes when we brought her to her classroom, then I told her I was going to leave, told her to say bye to me ("Buh-bye, Mama"), gave her a kiss and scooted towards the door!

She saw us heading for the door and got antsy, but I closed the door anyway. And from outside, I could hear her starting to cry. Her teacher swooped in though, and a brief five seconds later, all was quiet.

When I picked her up, Miss Siri said that she did great! (Even J's teacher told me she heard that E did really well on her first day. A mom of J's classmate overheard and congratulated me! She was looking forward to her second child starting school too!) E tried out all the stations (sorting blocks, painting, and digging outside). The only time when she got upset and cried again was when both her and J's class were having outdoor play-time and she caught sight of her Kor-kor. (Their classes have separate outside play-areas, but are next to each other.) She wanted to go to him, but Miss Siri brought her indoors and gave her another activity and she was fine.

I am incredibly proud of her.

Postscript: Will have to see how she is towards school on Wednesday. And on Friday, I'm due for parent participation in J's class, so I'll probably have to do some quick ducking to make sure she doesn't see me.

Oh So Quiet

As I type this, the house is strangely quiet. No Diego singing in the background about rescuing animals. No J complaining about how boring Diego is, and asking to watch his show instead. No E, insisting on "Eh-go. Eh-go. EH-GO!" to J.

Both kids are in school.

K and I came back just a few minutes ago, after a shopping trip: to Kohl's to get bedsheets, to Vons for groceries, and to Target to get J's birthday presents. Can you imagine, we actually did ALL that in about two hours. When there are no kids around who have their own ideas of what they want to be looking at, and who have their own ideas of which direction they want to be walking, it is amazing how quickly you can get things done.

Truth be told, I have been looking forward to today, so much so that I do feel a little guilty about it! But those strings that tie E to me have to be snipped at some point - and today, we made another small snip.

French Flies

Since we had all these helium balloons in the house yesterday, it was the perfect opportunity to try out an experiment that J had seen on one of his favourite TV shows, Peep and the Big Wide World.

Q: What would float when tied to the balloons?

A: E's plastic toy french fries.

There go the french flies! Haha!

When I Don't Know What To Do

This song reminds me of something that E (and probably every other toddler) does. Even though she's perfectly capable of walking and getting around by herself, all too often, she'll come running to me, arms outstretched, calling out "Mama!" to get me to carry her. And so I pick her up.

This is a picture of me too, I realise. Arms outstretched, I look up to God my Father for Him to carry me. And how reassuring that He always picks me up.

When I Don’t Know What To Do
Tommy Walker WeMobile Music ©2005 CCLI #4556332

Lord I surrender all to
Your strong and faithful hand
In everything I will give thanks to You
I’ll just trust Your perfect plan

Chorus:
When I don’t know what to do
I’ll lift my hands
When I don’t know what to say
I’ll speak Your praise
When I don’t know where to go
I’ll run to Your throne
When I don’t know what to think
I’ll stand on Your truth
When I don’t know what to do

Lord I surrender all
Though I’ll never understand
All the mysteries around me
I’ll just trust your perfect plan

Bridge:
As I bow my knee
Send Your perfect peace
Send Your perfect peace, Lord
As I lift my hands
Let Your healing come
Let Your healing come to me

Our Inspiration for Scripture Memory

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

E's Birthday Celebration

Main Ingredients:

Birthday Cupcakes:
Trader Joe's Vanilla Cake Mix (our favourite!) and milk chocolate frosting

Our loud rendition of "Happy Birthday",

sung really fast because the birthday girl couldn't wait to stick her fingers into the frosting

Talking to Kong-kong and Ah-Ma in Singapore, who had a birthday cake and candles all lit up, and who sung the birthday song for E. Birthday wishes from Grandma and Grandpa also came over Skype. The wonders of technology.

Birthday Presents:
Little Doctor's Kit,
purchased from Granville Island
(We continue to reap the rewards of our visit to Vancouver.)

E finally has her own lap-top, Diego-themed, no less. In this picture, J has commandeered it, claiming to "like Diego very much", when usually he protests my turning it on for E to watch, complaining that "Diego is so boring". This is how a new toy can change the tune you sing.

Birthday Balloons,
which we got from a shop selling party supplies. Possibly our best buy, seeing as how both kids were playing with, and fighting over, them (even though we had gotten four!) practically the whole day.
What is it with children and balloons?